Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
