Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
