I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
