If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
