i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
