i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
