so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
