can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I wish I only lived at night.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
