If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
