Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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