sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
