i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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