remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
