The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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