I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
