i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
