So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
When did angry sex become our thing?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
