I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
