I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
