Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
