Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
