I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
