happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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