She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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