it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
