now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
