he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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