i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
