why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
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