This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
