It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
