so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
