Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
