i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
