Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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