stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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