Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
