I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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