i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
