idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
