tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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