I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
They took my balls.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
