They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
