My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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