If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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