those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
