well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
