I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
