Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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