I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
